I Love Acidman

I thought I'd try it out as a title. No offense, man...I'm gonna have to go with something else.

The promise of high gear move to a new blog has been made and I'm stoked! With that, I have to get in gear on a new title. Taking the advice of Acidman, blogs that start with A get more traffic so here's what I came up with for A's:

• Accidental Insights *
• A Swift Kick & A Bandaid **
• Acoustic Rantings
• Admissible Evidence *
• Adverse Reaction
• Affinity For None
• Alter of Ranting
• Ambitious Bullshit
• Assembled Defiance *
• Auditioning for Life

Contributions from Acidman that I really like include:

• Angry, Armed, and Female
• Blended Truth *
• Somebody Had To Say It *

I really liked "Get Off My Lawn" but that is taken. I'm a little partial to "A Swift Kick and A Bandaid" since someone once said I was the girl who'd kick your ass but make sure you got home ok...but it seems a little long maybe? I put asterisk on the others that strike me. Now...to narrow it down...HELP!

Going Broke

The semester is drawing to a close (not nearly as quickly as it need to be closing) and I am facing a summer without funding. My loans cover tuition and since I'm not taking summer classes, there is no source of income for summer. I have to find myself a job. Dammit.

I had an application in for a homeland security program internship and never heard anything back. Sux.

Today I got my resume in for a counter-terrorism project but I'm not hopeful. It is the exact field I want in the long run, I have academic experience with it, but on paper I'm not a great candidate. No demonstrable experience and no security clearance. It would be great, but I'm not going to hold my breath.

I'm Gonna DIE!!

The Ghost

There's a ghost in my house and she's not nice. Hopefully she doesn't get pissed off that I'm writing about her. Do ghosts even know things like that? I don't know...but I'm going to hope she can't tell...

I've lived in this condo for about 7 months now and I didn't sense her until a few weeks ago. The first night I saw her she seemed to be scared of me. Since then she has grown to scare the bejesus out of me. I don't know who she is, where she came from, or what she wants. I haven't really stuck around long enough to answer any of those questions. I haven't seen any of her facial features enough to say for certain she is a woman or even how old she is - I can just sense that she's a woman and she strikes me as rather grandmotherly.

When I come down the stairs at night she goes into the living room where it is still dark. When I get my snack from the kitchen and turn the lights off she comes out of the living room and almost chases me up the stairs. I don't think she never comes onto the stairs but then again, I'm booking it to my room at this point. I can't tell if she doesn't want me in the kitchen and is crabby like an old woman who's orders you've disobeyed or if there is something more sinister going on. She seems to get more aggressive every time I see her. I don't know if I believe ghosts can hurt people but I don't really want to find out.

Very few women have lived in this house so I don't think she died here. None of the objects in our living room are new additions except for those purchased new. The only thing I can tie her to is a bouquet of silk flowers I had in San Diego. They used to sit on my dining room table there and now are on my mantle above the fireplace. In San Diego there were a group of ghosts that used to talk in my dining room area. They never bothered me or acted toward me in anyway. I'm not sure if she is one of them or what has made her so upset.

In any case, I'm freaked the hell out.

Wow

I caved and responded to an ex tonight when he IMed. I'm still not sure I believe that people can change but they definitely can surprise you.

The conversation began as anyone would expect and was no shock. But I didn't even give him the pleasure of an argument. He apologized and dropped the topic of conversation. We chatted for a while and started to discuss things in his life. From that I got an entirely spontaneous apology and expression of gratitude regarding the events of our relationship that felt surprisingly genuine. Left me utterly speechless - something that is quite hard to do.

It won't change that our relationship is in the past but I won't go so far as to say that it was too little too late...not just yet. Maybe he deserves another chance...It's just not going to be as my date.

Creating Insecurity

I've been taking stock of my life lately and I've noticed a particularly disturbing pattern. I have fostered an unhealthy level of insecurity in a significant number of people in my life. I'm not exactly sure what it is that I do to cause this but it can be seen in the men I have dated, family members, friends, students I've had...

Ordinarily I would brush off someone else's insecurity as a problem they need to deal with but when a pattern is this large, you can't help but take notice. I'm not sure if it is my forceful nature, my obvious independence, my ambitious style, my academic success....who knows.

Not real comforting to think that just by living your own life, other people feel like shit about theirs.

Bastards!

All of them, I tell you....Bastards they are...ALL OF THEM!

First, I spent all day Monday adding in citations to my midterms and then Tuesday afternoon I get an answer from the Prof saying we didn't need them for sources within the confines of the course. Grrrr.

Then, I FINALLY get the student accounts office to clear my account balance of misappropriated fees to show $0.00 owed and they forget to take the hold off my account. I still can't access any of my records or register for classes. Grrrr.

The kicker of the night though - the dickless wonder shows up at my friend's house begging for her back. He's tortured her, manipulated her, and abused her since the day he met her - seven years ago. On again off again bullshit with some psycho drama on his part thrown in for good measure. This time he dumped her (for his work) and then the minute he finds out she's with someone new he calls begging for her back. The next day, he shows up at her house - that is 475 miles away! Hello, stalker much? I hate this guy with so much passion I almost don't trust myself to be in the same room with him. If I were still in San Diego, I'd have been at her house kicking his ass out on the street where vermin like him belong. I tried to hide my rage and be supportive of her while she was with him but now that she is even entertaining his cracked out ideas I just want to strangle him. How dare he swoop in and try to ruin a good thing for her? He's done a good job pointing out what he wants but he didn't stop for two seconds to ask what she wants. Quite frankly, he never has much cared about that little detail. I'd kill the sumbitch if I thought I could get away with it.

Half-Baked Alaska

Hahaha...I love this article straight from the title.

"The inexorable drumbeat of climate disaster stories goes on, but no one seems interested in checking the facts. The most recent assault on common sense comes from Alaska."

Senators from Alaska are worried about the Inuit culture suffering because of global warming? Uh, yeah right. It should also be noted that Ted Stevens (AK-R) is one of the most powerful appropriators that brings a disproportionate amount of money back to his state. The citizens are proud of this ability to and they have no shame in soaking up the pork.

You know, now that I think about it...I'd like to kick a lot of Alaskan do gooders in the teeth over that fact. How the hell do you sit on your high bleeding heart horse about helping people while you suck up money your state doesn't need from states that actually does need it?

I tell ya....half baked Alaskans....that's how...

Celeb Entertainment

I LOVE to check out pics of celebs in stupid outfits. This site caters to addicts such as myself. It has entertained me for the last 30 straight minutes - something very difficult to do - go be entertained.

Go Fug Yourself

Sketchy Canyon

Malibu - A severed foot was found in a pile of landfill dirt in Topanga Canyon.

I went to High School inland from Malibu and we used to take Topanga Canyon Rd across the mountains to the beach. I always knew there was something sketchy about it. Gave me the creeps like there were mobsters around. Maybe there were...

My Dream Man

Ronald Reagan

He has to be one of the most romantic men to have ever lived. I cried the day he died and I will always have a soft spot for him. There was something so magical about the way he loved Nancy so openly and so deeply. Colin Powell wrote in his book that Reagan's personality would change if he spent too many days away from Nancy. How many men can you say are like that? None that I've met. Most men are too embarrassed about how silly they'll look or what people might think. Reagan wasn't like that. Most men are too macho or stiff to let people know how much they need a woman. Everyone near Reagan knew what Nancy meant to him. If more people shared a love like theirs, there wouldn't be so many divorces.

If only I should be so lucky... but I doubt it. Because as it was put to me, "I bet she didn't jump his shit."

The 'Amalfi Valentine' from their relationship will be put on display at the Reagan Library later next month. I'd love to go see it sometime. Maybe on a trip to see the parents...

May you be sleeping peacefully, Mr. President

"Heaven knows what I might do if I had a cowboy like you, Oh Buckaroo..." -- LeeAnn Womack

Men vs Women

I don't think two creatures that need each other could be more different. Tonight's topic: Communication Style

In my version of a perfect world, a couple should talk things out. When there is an issue at hand, regardless if it effects one or both, the two should sit down (at a mutually suitable time) and banter - talk out loud, if you will - to help try to sort it all out. No answers may come of it but it gives both parties to bring up their questions and concerns. There don't have to be answers to the questions asked. The questions just need to be asked and ideas bounced around.

With the men I date, they want to have the ideas worked out in their head and the answers to the questions before the discussion ever happens.

By my logic, that means men are bent on making the decision without influence from anyone else - even if that other person may see it from an angle they didn't think of. It is arrogant, selfish, and downright stupid. It rejects the validity of another opinion and undermines the trust that a couple is supposed to share. If nothing else, it means that men make decisions on what could very well be incomplete information. That doesn't sound all that intelligent to me.

But men and women are different. Someday I'll learn...

Slack Ass

Yep, that's me! Especially today.

I have 3 papers due today (in 3 hrs) on various aspects of the cocaine industry in Bolivia and Peru. I just finished them. I read about half of the necessary material and attended 4 of the 7 necessary lectures. I'm not proofreading them. I'm not taking another look at them. I'm turning them in and washing my hands of them. I no longer care.

There is a torrential downpour outside and I have to go to class. Dammit.

No Big Words

Everyone in my life knows that my dad has been one of the most influential people, if not the most influential person, in my life. I love my dad, in spite of his flaws, and see the good within him. He is a tremendously smart man, highly educated in paper, and quite experienced in living life.

That's what made this so funny...

As part of my prep in a job application, I asked him to read over a writing sample. A few days later he called and left a voicemail telling me he really enjoyed it. I called back to ask why and he said:

"It was well written and too the point. It didn't use too many big words."

I busted up laughing right then and there. You know those big words...they'll get ya every time!

Footloose

Driving back from Easter dinner the song "Footloose" by Kenny Loggins came on the radio and I was reminded of a funny story...

Several weeks ago I was in the house alone with 3 dogs, packing up my things to return to DC. Packing is something that stresses Norman out A LOT. He's got some severe separation anxiety issues, despite being a 65 lb Boxer. Anyhow, "Footloose" came on the radio and it inspired me to try to cheer up the dog. I danced around the room all goofy (like they do in the movie) and Norman just looked at me like I was crazy. It made me laugh but then I damn near fell down laughing when I picked up his front paws and he danced with me. I let go of his front paws and he put them on my stomach and continued to dance with me on his own...right up until the song ended and I put his paws back on the floor. I was laughing so hard I didn't even care that he had gotten dirt all over my shirt.

I think it made packing less stressful for both of us. Thanks for the dance, Norm (even if your daddy does want to pretend it didn't happen).

Blog Naming

If I move to a new location I plan to have a blog title a little more inventive than Prncesscat. So far, I only have two good ideas:

• Its My Soapbox
• You See, What Had Happened Was...

I implore you, dear readers - help in my quest for a good title.

Happy Easter to all!

No egg hunt, no chocolate bunnies, no peeps, no cadbury creme eggs, no jelly beans, no baskets, no annoying fake grass...

Just a card from mom and dinner at boytoy's aunt & uncle's house. It was a very nice weekend with lots of lounging around and some laughs thrown in for good measure.

I hope everyone was able to have a relaxing weekend of their own as well.

I'm an Anti-feminist

How on earth does this make sense? A woman gets $40 million in a divorce settlement after she cheats on her husband. Seriously, check it out.

I've been accused of setting the women's movement back some 50 years or so with my opinions but I'm going to give them to you anyway. Judge me if you wish but you're not going to change my mind - the law is outdated, overly general, and wrong.

When my parents got divorced my mom got half - of everything. Years later I'm still pissed off at her for it too. My dad asked for the divorce on the grounds that he didn't feel like he could find happiness with my mom and that life was too short to live a miserable existence. (Ok, so he was having a bit of a mid-life crisis but that's a subject for another day). Anyhow - this divorce was a good ten years in the making. I think we all would have been a lot happier if they had gotten it over with sooner. So when it finally hit, my mom was the only one surprised. She likes to live in denial.

My mom is a physician assistant. She has a lot of experience and is good at what she does. Most of the time she was in clinical practice she was smarter than anyone else she worked with, nurses or doctors. She makes a decent living and has a good income potential.

My dad works for a biotech. He too has a lot of experience and is good at what he does. He, however, makes more money and has a much larger income potential than she does. Not because he is a man, but because of the industry that he works in.

My mom is no dummy. She knew my dad could afford to pay her and was too much of a sap to turn a blind eye when she cried. They kept it out of the courts and negotiated with a lawyer. She asked for half straight from the beginning. She was set on alimony. She pushed her luck on things but my dad let her. He just wanted things over as quickly and painlessly as possible. To him, only a few heirlooms mattered, the rest was just money. That's just how he thinks - and I like that about him.

From where I sit, my mom didn't deserve half. She didn't put in half. She should not have asked for alimony. She didn't make any huge sacrifices in her life because of the marriage. She wasn't slighted in the marriage by an affair, abuse, or neglect. She wouldn't have been left without a source of income. Why should she continue to collect a portion of a paycheck from a man she is no longer married to?

Her answer? Because she deserves it. Because he made a commitment and he broke it. Keeping her in the lifestyle to which she is accustomed is the price he should pay for that.

My answer? She shouldn't. As a strong, capable, independent woman you should be ashamed to take money you didn't earn. Divide what was gained during the marriage and be done with it.

First To The Aisle?

The girlies have taken a vote.
Apparently I have been chosen as most like to get married first.

Huh? Wha?

Yeah, my thoughts exactly. Ask the men I date - I'm a royal pain in the ass and certainly not marriage material. At least not any time soon.

Back in college a different circle of friends voted the same way (including only one of the same people). The relationship I was in then blew up. It was a year before I even attempted another serious relationship. It blew up. The one after that a complete disaster. After that? Same story.

With my track record and feisty nature - I don't see the aisle in my future any time soon.

Sorry Girlies...better start planning...

Breakfast at the Traditional Hangover Spot

From Vacay, Friday, March 18, 2005:

After we dropped Mr. Navy off at his car (see St. Pat's at McP's for the whole story on that) we quickly went to the dive shop to get girlie's man some things. You don't get to see much of the sea when the government sends you to plan in the sandbox so she sent him some prints for his birthday.

We shot up to Pacific Beach for breakfast. Anyone from San Diego knows that this area of town is known for the clubbing and drinking that goes on EVERY night. We went to the Broken Yolk, a hangover tradition, despite the fact that none of us were actually hungover - Least of all the girls who had one drink each (a St. Pat's faux pas, I know). I had the most and I'm sorry 4 shots and 2 beers just won't mess me up that much. (Hello, I'm Irish!). Extremely yummy omelet, french toast, biscuit, banana pancakes, bacon, and fruit. (yes, we like to share)

St. Pat's at McP's in Coronado

from vacay, Thursday, March 17, 2005

Rather late on St. Pat's the girls and I hopped in the car, headed down the freeway, jaunted across the (most awesome) bridge to Coronado Island - The Crown City, as they like to call it. We found a pretty good parking spot and headed to the bar. I had never been but it was suggested by one of the girls since her very Irish (American) man had taken her there once. (Their website also said it was the hottest place in Coronado on St. Pat's).

We hit the bar around 11:30 I suppose. There weren't too many people there - at least a lot fewer than I had expected. We got our drinks, grabbed a place to sit, and proceeded to check the place out. It had a great atmosphere. It is owned by a former Navy SEAL so there is some military feel to it. We mostly kept to ourselves and I could tell the girls were bored. I think it made one miss her man. I don't think the other really cared much about the holiday. Oh well... It wasn't until last call when the night started to get interesting.

I went up to get a shot of Jameson and another Guinness but things didn't go according to plan. I got squished up against one guy and we joked about it before he tried to pawn me off on his friend (the first guy's fiance was across the room). It was funny. I ended up with a triple shot of buttery nipple (which I ordinarily don't drink but felt bad turning down) and my Guinness instead. I left the girls to themselves for a while as Mr. Navy and I chatted. The girls eventually came over and joined in after they had been hit on by a couple of other guys. We ended up down the street at another bar they had been invited to and we ran into a couple more guys who had been at the first bar. A good time was being had by all. Unfortunately, that bar closed too and we all had to go home.

Here's where the funny part begins...

Mr. Navy was heavily intoxicated. Mind you, he had been respectful and nothing but a gentleman all night (I know, that doesn't sound right...but it's true). In any case, he said he was going to walk to his car. I wasn't having that happen on my watch. After trying to convince him to get a cab or call his friend we ended up offering to drive him to his hotel. He said all kinds of funny things in the car. We dropped him off, I got the number to his hotel, and we went home laughing the whole way. The next morning we all got up and got ready, gave him a call, and headed back to his hotel. At noon he was definitely hungover. He was very appreciative that we were driving him back to his car and he said so many many times. We got back to Coronado and realized his car was at his buddy's house. He looked like a PIMP coming back the next afternoon with three girls. His buddy just rolled his eyes and we laughed. He got out of the car and said "thanks, even though we'll never see each other again." We drove away and laughed the whole way to the dive shop.

All I could do at the end of the day was shake my head. Good samaritan girls, I suppose. Adventures on vacay, for sure.

Looking Back

"Fell in love, got my heart broke down in San Diego

I was off and driftin any way the wind was blowin

That was then, way back when,

I didn't have a clue where I was goin"

-- On My Way to You, Jamie O'Neal

Everytime I hear this part of her new song I stop and listen to it again. It couldn't be more true. But my big question is, why do I let it stop there? Why don't I identify with the rest of her song? Why can't I leave that heartbreak behind? I don't want him or that relationship back. I miss the fun and stupid times - but maybe I miss more the feeling of knowing. I understood my life then. I went to work, I went to school, I played the good wife. He cheated and lied, but I always knew. He was as trustworthy as raccoon in a koi pond - but I knew him. He thought he got away with the lies but I always saw through them. I knew what to expect from him and I knew what his actions meant. There were very few unknowns. There was a lot of betrayal, but I was never in the dark.

My apartment was everything I needed it to be and materially, I had nearly everything I wanted. He never provided for me but I was never left wanting for anything - except for love.

Chillin at the Beach

From Vacay - Thursday, March 17, 2005:

The girls and I rounded up some blankets & books, got some yummy sandwiches, fruit, and potato salad, and headed to the beach. It was a slightly chilly day but none of us really minded. The parking lot was only about half full - a sight I haven't seen in years.

We sat at a picnic table and ate our food while we laughed about sandwich stealing sea gulls and giggled about the boys at the table across the lawn (and how I got my friends to turn and look while the guys were checking them out). Later we took our blankets and spread out on the lawn to bask in the sun as the breeze blew by. We (rather they) did some cheerleading/fake dancing to break up the monotony of reading. I practiced showing off my pretty fingers (one on each hand - I'm sure you can see where I'm going with this).

It was a very chill afternoon. Relatively few people and a thankful few tricycle motors. It was much needed relaxation and good bonding time with the girls. I love the beach.

Vacay Update

The rest of my time in San Diego was, of course, lots of fun. In my final few days I managed to flash my smile in the following parts of town:

• Balboa Park & the International Houses
• PhoHoCali (Vietnamese food)
• Mitsuwa (My little Japan)
• Breakfast in La Jolla overlooking the beach
• Strolling by the beach & watching the seals
• Shopping in La Jolla
• Chillin on the cliffs with parasailers
• A little pampering in UTC
• Dinner in Old Town
• Dancing under the moonight on the beach

It was an awesome trip and I think I did more than I had planned on when I bought the tickets. I wanted to stay and be able to just chill with the girls but the time to leave came too soon. I came home with a new penpal even. That was kinda fun.

Thanks for letting me crash with you guys and for running all over town with me. I miss you! I can't wait to come back in June.

Sick

If there is anything I hate more than stupid people, it's being sick. You know, being the long, drawn out, non-threatening annoyance that it is...just pushes my buttons. I'd rather break a bone than get a cold, need stitches than get the flu, and suffer needles and injections than tonsillitis/bronchitis/sinusitis (all of which I am particularly prone to).

I don't get sick that often so when I do...I do it up good. Lucky me.

Back To Reality

I'm back in DC *pout* The drudgery and drama is already kicking in again. I haven't even been back 12 hrs yet. No wonder I think this coast sux.

My plane landed a little early and the weather didn't suck too much so I didn't really have a good excuse to skip class. I went there straight from the airport but it was hella boring. Stupid guest speaker. I never thought I'd say this but, he was talking about space stuff that was way too basic for us. And he read his slides to us. I hate that. Oh well, at least I don't have anything to feel guilty about this way. And I got some exercise (?) lugging my huge/heavy bag all over the metro and downtown. (I got some funny looks too).

I've started to unpack already, sort of. None of my toiletries squished out in my bag this time (I had aloe and toothpaste all over when I landed in SD). Normally I leave stuff in the suitcase for as long as possible but I guess I'm just anxious. I have 3 papers to write by Friday and only half of the research done.

I can't wait for the weekend. My vacation was great (and I'll blog about it soon, I promise) but facing reality again means looking forward to the weekend like it were made of gold.

For now...sleep so I can research/bullshit in a few hours.

Still On Vacay

Just a quick update for everyone...

In case you were wondering how my trip is going - San Diego still kicks ass!


First night in town I hit my bar for a little cowboy time. Unfortunately the place was having an off night and was filled not with fun loving cowboys and instead was filled with pussy hounds and assholes. One of the worst nights I've ever had there. Not really a good start to my trip.

Since then I've done the following:

• Chillin at the beach with the girls
• St. Pat's in Coronado (at McP's)
• Breakfast at the traditional hangover place
• Shopping & reminiscing on Base
• Kickin' up a little sawdust with the cowboys
• Gunner Palace
• Shopping in cute boutiques
• Raisin' hell with the Marines

There are a couple more things on my list of things to do but it has been an awesome trip so far. Once I get back to DC I will blog more about the highlights but let me tell you...there is a reason they call San Diego "America's Finest City." And you'll never convince me otherwise.

Buh Bye

That's right, kids...I'm bailing, yet again.

I've been on unofficial spring break for a week, official spring break since Friday, and now I'm going to make it a genuine spring break. I'm leaving all you suckers in the cold (it snowed this morning, AGAIN) and I'm going HOME!

San Diego, HERE I COME!

I'll be back in a week...

Bai Bai now

OW

In preparing for first pilgrimage of the year, I learned the following East Coast Lesson:

Nair + Dry Winter Skin = Chemical Burn

Yet another reason I will be packing up and heading West the first chance I get.

Accents & Individualism

Do you ever notice how some people just have a knack for accents?

And there are others who can't help but talk like those around them?

When I was in the UK, I spoke English like the British.

When I was in Mexico, I spoke English like the Mexicans.

I can't help but have my speech influenced by those around me.

I've got me an Alabama Boytoy now, so guess what - I'm developing a southern accent. Usually its just a word or two but the more time I spend in SW Virginia the more converted words there are. It's especially bad when I'm talking to the dog.

I'm losing my Cali-ness. This has got to stop.

I now reclaim my individualism! (For serious)

Authoritay

I learned something new tonight...when its just the kids and me, they respect my authoritay!

I was able to enjoy my lovely bachelorette dinner (grilled cheese sandwich and mixed veggies) in nearly complete peace. A stern 'NO' accompanied by a straight look to the face does wonders. The stupid one had to be dragged off the couch but after that, things were pretty smooth sailing. She finally got upset enough with the discipline that she went downstairs to pout in her owner's room. The other two sat on opposite sides of the room and didn't make a peep. I'm not a mean step-mom, I just demand peace when I eat. There is absolutely no reason for dog drool on the edge of the table. Period.

So now that I know it works...Kids - RESPECT MY AUTHORITAY!

Ty Herndon

I heard 'Loved Too Much' for the first time tonight. It is apparently on Ty Herndon's Greatest Hits released in 2002 *shrug* Anyway...it seemed to sum up some of what my past relationships have been like and why they are now in the past - I need to be loved too much (for what they were willing to offer). I thought maybe some readers would be able to relate.

My Past
"You say you love me a little
You say you want to stay friends
You say you don't want no
strings attached
No one on you to depend

You see love as a prison
I see love as a key
You think a little is more than enough
It's not that way for me"

Why It's The Past
"I need to be loved too much
I need to be held too tight
I need to hear someone say,
at the end of the day
I'll make everything right

When the rest of the world
goes home
I need to feel someone's touch
I've been alone too long, now
I need to be loved too much

Too much sun will burn you
Too much rain, you'll drown
Too much cold will freeze you
Too much wind will blow you down

But love is something different
It disregards the rules
You call me a dreamer
But sometimes dreams come true

I need to be loved too much
I need to be held too tight
I need to hear someone say,
at the end of the day
I'll make everything right

When the rest of the world
goes home
I need to feel someone's touch
I've been alone too long, now
I need to be loved too much"

I need to be loved (for them, it was too much)

Ban the Bans

I was reading this over at Mostly Cajun and I couldn't agree more with what he has quoted.

I'm not one to light up a cigarette in a restaurant but I get really frustrated when people make a big deal out of those that do. No matter where I go with my dad, be it a restaurant or a park or even a bar, if he smells the slightest hint of cigarette smoke he's all bent out of shape about it. Now he won't say anything to the person smoking (cuz he's not rude like that) but it sort of taints our experience because it colors his attitude so much. Or maybe its me that just gets bitter at him for being so intolerant.

In his defense...He's a pharmacist by education, an oncology pharmacist by practice, and a director of medical education by trade. His father died of cancer. My mother's father died of cancer. His wife is in remission right now. My mother is as well. He's seen a lot of people die of cancer. He's seen the pain it leaves behind, even if people aren't killed by it. Maybe his severe reaction to cigarette smoke is just his desire to save people from themselves because of the way his life has unfolded.

I guess I still don't totally understand. There isn't a single person in the industrialized world that smokes and doesn't know the potential effects. Who does he think he is going to surprise by telling them what could happen? People, especially Americans, have the 'not me' mentality. Every smoker knows what could happen. I think most just believe the really horrible things won't happen to them. Maybe they don't believe that, but how many people live their life today because of what might happen several decades down the road?

Eating high calorie, high fat, high salt, high sugar food is bad for people too but do you see people raging over the guy at the restaurant one booth over for ordering fine French cuisine that could kill a man in one bite. Drinking alcohol is bad for you. Eating preservatives is bad for you. Drinking the water is bad for you. Breathing the air is bad for you. Doesn't it come to a point where LIFE is bad for you? But people don't rail on those things nearly the same way.

I happen to like the smell of cigarette smoke. When I get a whiff I am reminded of some really good times in my life. Sometimes smelling a little smoke come across my table while I'm eating actually enhances my dining experience. Why should anyone have the right to take that away from me? I don't care if it isn't socially popular.

If you don't like cigarette smoke, vote with your dollars and choose a restaurant that doesn't allow smoking. If you are a server/bartender that doesn't like smoke, choose a different place to work. If the owner wants to make it a non-smoking establishment, let him. Hell, you could even make a registry that shows which restaurants allow smoking and those that don't. Restaurants and bars could put a sticker on their door even...Then there would be no surprises.

I just don't freaking understand it...Why the hell should the government have to be a parent that these whiners go running to to make their lives better? Are you so damn intolerant that the rest of the world must adapt to what YOU think is appropriate? Restaurants don't have to serve alcohol but some of them do and their clientele is sometimes different as a result. Should we mandate that all restaurants carry alcohol? Or maybe none of them? How far should this go?

The government is not your provider or your parents...the government should facilitate a cooperative society and be your protector at the most basic level, nothing more. Grow a pair and take responsibility for yourself. Don't expect daddy government to make it all better.

"Dr. Phil" Quiz Results

How did you score? I got a 43

OVER 60 POINTS: Others see you as someone they should "handle with care." You're seen as vain, self-centered, and who is extremely dominant. Others may admire you, wishing they could be more like you, but don't always trust you, hesitating to become too deeply involved with you.

51 TO 60 POINTS: Others see you as an exciting, highly volatile, rather impulsive personality; a natural leader, who's quick to make decisions, though not always the right ones. They see you as bold and adventuresome, someone who will try anything once; someone who takes chances and enjoys an adventure. They enjoy being in your company because of the excitement you radiate.

41 TO 50 POINTS: Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical, and always interesting; someone who's constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding; someone who'll always cheer them up and help them out.

31 TO 40 POINTS: Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful & practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest. Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expect the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you realize it takes a lot to shake your faith in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over if that trust is ever broken.

21 TO 30 POINTS: Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It would really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment, expecting you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then, usually decide against it. They think this reaction is caused partly by your careful nature.

UNDER 21 POINTS: People think you are shy, nervous, and indecisive, someone who needs looking after, who always wants someone else to make the decisions & who doesn't want to get involved with anyone or anything! They see you as a worrier who always sees problems that don't exist. Some people think you're boring. Only those who know you well know that you aren't

Dead in the Middle of the Intersection

You know, that's a good way to get hit...

but then again, that's sort of what I'm hoping for...

The way I see my life, I have two options.

1. Be the good little wife/mother
2. Be someone important in the world

I'm not really feeling either one at the moment. The two paths are crossing at the moment and I'm about as effective or reactive as a deer caught in the headlights.

I'm not cut out for being the good wife/mother. I like the idea of being the woman that takes care of her man but I can't have kids. Physiologically, sure. Realistically, no. Someone would end up dead. Everyone tells me that I will feel differently as I get older but I just don't see it happening. I've babysat for kids of all ages, I've been around them. To top it off being in the house with three dogs (that aren't mine and I have no influence over) is just trying my patience. If I have to clean up dog urine off the floor one more time I'm going to scream. She's not my dog but if I'm the only one home, I have no choice but to clean it up. I don't know if she just doesn't understand the concept of potty training or if she is acting out. Her owner is a Vet but she's so busy/stressed and a sucker for animals so there's no discipline. Just playing the role of mommy for a few days has turned me into complete bitch.

I have serious doubts about my being someone important in the world. My academic life/drive leaves much to be desired. I'm sitting on 4 separate research assignments right now. I can't be motivated to think seriously about a single one of them. It isn't that the topic suck. They are interesting - the weaponization of space, science/technology, drug trafficking, corporate/government relations. I just don't care anymore. Really. I just don't care. How on earth I'm going to get a meaningful job, I have no idea. I don't think I'm cut for playing the games and rolling in the high stakes.

So where does that leave me? Dead in the middle of the intersection. And I'm hoping I get hit - with a sign, some direction, inspiration, just something...

I don't mind my life being somewhat isolated even if it does make people question if I am an agoraphobic person. I'm not anti-social, I'm not afraid to leave my house. People, as the general population, piss me off and I prefer to avoid that frustration. I spend a lot of time alone and I don't like doing unfamiliar things alone. Hence, I spend a lot of time at home and with my computer. I'm really ok with that. But it doesn't make for much of a realistic future.

So, again...I am lost...

Awww...

Tell me this kid doesn't look like a baby hippo...

Norman is at his cutest when he's tired

Fat Days

I'm not sure how many female readers I have but if you're there, you'll appreciate this...

I went to get dressed the other day and my ass just did not fit in the pants I was trying to put on. And I don't mean I put them on and pranced around wondering if my ass looked ok in them. I mean my ass did NOT fit in these pants. I picked up a different pair and resigned to wearing the fat pants. I hated every minute of it, but I had to wear pants to class. (I suppose I didn't HAVE to but...I'm not really looking to make that kind of impression on campus. Not just yet). So I go to get dressed the very next day...let me repeat, THE VERY NEXT DAY, not even 24 hrs later....and a pair of pants 2 sizes smaller fit just fine. And the scale says I weigh 2 pounds less than last week.

No, gentlemen...I did not shrink the larger pair of pants...they are just as fat as my fat pants have always been.

I just don't have an answer...

From My E-mail

The "Dr. Phil" Test

I'll tell you what the scores mean later...just go take the quiz so I wasn't the only one bored enough to do it.

1. When do you feel your best?

a) In the morning

b) During the afternoon &and early evening

2. You usually walk...

a) Fairly fast, with long steps

b) Fairly fast, with little steps

c) Less fast head up, looking the world in the face

d) Less fast, head down

e) Very slowly

3. When talking to people you.

a) Stand with your arms folded

b) Have your hands clasped

c) Have one or both your hands on your hips

d) Touch or push the person to whom you are talking

e) Play with your ear, touch your chin, or smooth your hair

4. When relaxing, you sit with.

a) Your knees bent with your legs neatly side by side

b) Your legs crossed

c) Your legs stretched out or straight

d) One leg curled under you

5. When something really amuses you, you react with.

a) A big appreciated laugh

b) A laugh, but not a loud one

c) A quiet chuckle

d) A sheepish smile

6. When you go to a party or social gathering you.

a) Make a loud entrance so everyone notices you

b) Make a quiet entrance, looking around for someone you know

c) Make the quietest entrance, trying to stay unnoticed

7. You're working very hard, concentrating hard, and you're interrupted.....

a) Welcome the break

b) Feel extremely irritated

c) Vary between these two extremes

8. Which of the following colors do you like most?

a) Red or orange

b) Black

c) Yellow or light blue

d) Green

e) Dark blue or purple

f) White

g) Brown or gray

9. When you are in bed at night, in those last few moments before going to sleep you are.

a) Stretched out on your back

b) Stretched out face down on your stomach

c) On your side, slightly curled

d) With your head on one arm

e) With your head under the covers

10. You often dream that you are...

a) Falling

b) Fighting or struggling

c) Searching for something or somebody

d) Flying or floating

e) You usually have dreamless sleep

f) Your dreams are always pleasant

POINTS:

1. (a) 2 (b) 4 (c) 6

2. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 7 (d) 2 (e) 1

3. (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 5 (d) 7 (e) 6

4. (a) 4 (b) 6 (c) 2 (d) 1

5. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 2

6. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 2

7. (a) 6 (b) 2 (c) 4

8. (a) 6 (b) 7 (c) 5 (d) 4 (e) 3 (f) 2 (g) 1

9. (a) 7 (b) 6 (c) 4 (d) 2 (e) 1

10.(a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 6 (f) 1

San Diego

Only SIX more days til chanklas (flipflops)...daiquiris in the jacuzzi...sandwiches on the beach...some green beer with the girls...a night or two with the cowboys...and some much needed sunshine. I just hope that the weather cooperates cuz right now, the forecast is below 70. In Cali, I freeze when the temp drops below 70...makes east coast winter rather annoying to say the least.

But still, 60s are better than 40s and I'll take what I can get!

Good For Nuthin' #@#$%

The cross at the top of Mt. Soledad is going to come down - and I'm PISSED!

I'm from San Diego, I love San Diego, I miss San Diego...but the city council is a bunch of good for nuthin pieces of shit. They never cease to do dumbass things with their power. What the hell is wrong with these people? Try growing a pair before you try to run my city!

Let me clarify, I am not a particularly religious person. Religion, as an institution, is manmade. Faith is about what you and whatever higher power choose to make of it. So it isn't about the religious aspect - it's about the symbol that they do not respect nor care to understand.

It's a Veterans Memorial. Public property to honor public service. No one made you go look at it - so go punish yourself for being stupid instead of punishing a whole city with your stupid ideas.

The Indepundit and Da Goddess are pissed too...only they are more articulate about it.

Running Away

I'm off to play with Greyhound for the day - no, not a dog, luck does not shine so brightly upon me - the bus company. Today holds a 7hr trip to SW VA. I'll be playing with the kids and doing research for the next several days. You'll see me around but blogging will be slow/random.

Tell me you miss me and maybe I'll come back sooner (a girl always needs to know she's loved and I'm not too proud to admit it...today).

Jason Cook

Star of Days of Our Lives in the role of Shawn D, Beau and Hope Brady's oldest son... Arrested on Drug Charges

I went to high school with this guy, took classes with him, and was his trainer in soccer for a season. Reading the story, I'm not sure he was on drugs - he was that much of a douche in high school too. Of course, it was regular for him to be near pot too...

Why is it that some people just think they are above everyone else? I don't care if people do think he looks like a young Tom Cruise. Still no reason to be a jerk to people that aren't currently in the act of kissing your feet.

Random Disgustingness

Don't you hate when someone tries to get away with ripping off a silent one but it is so overwhelmingly powerful, you feel the need to leave the room? And then you realize that it was you...and you wonder what the hell you ate...and then you become concerned if you will ever be able to sufficiently air out the room or if the stench will hang in the fibers of the drapes/adhere to the paint...

No gentlemen, your dog did not coincidentally get more flatulent once you started dating/married the little woman. Girls fart too, we just blame your dog.

Well Shit...

I've been told, by those who shall remain nameless, in no uncertain terms that my new blog SUCKS! Well, right after I finished my happy dance at hearing such wonderful news, I began to believe they were right.

It is true...and it is because I have violated the first rule of playing ball - I'm playing without heart. (Ok, so I've watched The Replacements too many times). I haven't connected with this blog and usually feel like it is lost in the ether of the internet without much point. To try to deal with all of this I'm going to try to answer the question of why I started blogging. A lot of people won't even answer this question. I know I won't answer it completely but only because I don't think I can.

So here goes...

I've had a personal geocities website since '99. I used to be part of the online gaming community. I played first person shooters and jumped into the culture like it was cool. My life got in the way and I had to cut down my playing time. When I went overseas I had to abdicate my responsibilities to that community but my site still existed as a place to put pictures with family and friends. I threw up some graphic design work and some bio pages but once I was no longer a part of the community I had once loved so much, the site was pretty much just for me.

When I got back from being overseas, I went to DC for a while. I flew home to California in June once my contract was finished. Before going back to San Diego I stayed with family for a little while. While there, I found out from my father, in the middle of an argument with my little brother, at a sushi place, on my birthday that my mom had been diagnosed with breast cancer. This is why I started blogging.

I went back to San Diego and tried to pretend everything was ok. I had just been tossed aside by a guy that I thought (at the time) was wonderful and unique, my roommate was getting ready to move across the country and I had to replace her, I watched one of my friends get married, the only friend I could really name that I had left was in town for the week (she had to go back to Costa Rica after the wedding). I tried to talk to my mom...just about things in general...and we fought, the same way we always did. I felt terrible. I couldn't forgive her for all of the things I held against her...even when she was facing death, I could only think of the pain she had caused. The stress of it all just got to me. The people around me knew that I wasn't ok, but I pretended still.

One night, it all welled up and I went back to my geocities site. I didn't get a livejournal or anything...I just coded a journal like I would any other page on my site. I began using it to deal with everything. I wrote on it for a long time but usually only about things that I had no other outlet for dealing with. I would write entries on notebook paper while I was out in the real world and come back to put them online. It helped keep me sane in ways I'll probably never understand. A few people read it but no one regular. They were friends that mostly did it to check up on me...make sure I was still keeping it together alright. I didn't have a counter or a tracker so I had no idea who visited or when. At that point, I don't remember if readers mattered to me.

I moved to xanga about a year ago and pretty much abandoned the geocities site because the coding just got too annoying for me to want to bother with. There were only a few regular readers there too. I soon found that my close friends were interested in how song lyrics made me feel or cute pictures of what I had been up to but they were usually involved in anything else I had done. They didn't need to read the xanga to know what I had been up to. The political or social commentary never garnered any interest from them. The limits of xanga began to frustrate me more and more but I wasn't willing to pay for a blog that only my friends would read.

I (unwillingly) left San Diego and began reading a lot more blogs online. It made me want to make my blog something more than song lyrics and rants about some student asking me for ridiculous favors. It made me miss the days that I was part of something. I moved to blogspot thinking that I could break out of the xanga box and write how I felt on things people would actually read. I was nominated to join a particular group but I have pretty much given up hope on that happening anytime soon. When that nomination came I had visions of being a member of a community like when I was a gamer. Instead, I feel like a fish out of water, trying to swim in lake much too large for my fins.

I don't seek adoration like Acidman. I seek acceptance. I seek a place in the world where I feel I belong. But I guess it is true what they say, you can never go home again...

Don't Go Crying Racism Just Yet

Acidman had a post a few days ago about the lack of special forces guys that are black. (Go catch up on your required reading...I'll wait).

Anyhow - my comment on that subject pointed to self selection. IMHO, it is free will keeping us from seeing greater diversity. It's as simple as people choosing to avoid that line of work. And Fox news has a link that agrees with me.

So can people quit tossing out the race card? You're using up its legitimacy and hurting people who have a genuine racist experience. Have some common sense and use a little forethought. Thinking about the consequences of your actions BEFORE HAND isn't too much to ask...is it?

Gunner Palace

This movie is about the 2/3 Field Artillery "The Gunners" in Iraq that used a palace of Uday Hussein as their barracks. The filmmaker lived with them for 2 months while getting the footage. www.gunnerpalace.com
Watch the trailers and it seems like it shows a little more of the realities of war but it makes me nervous. I haven't seen this movie yet (and in reality, I probably won't get to) but I would really like to. Supposedly it shows you the side of war that will never make it to the nightly news - I assume they are referring to the good deeds and happy moments with the Iraqis. Yet, it shows how The Gunners also party in the palace. This is the rub.
The film was intended to show the reality of war, not promote either side (pro or anti). By showing that our troops have time to party I fear that this film will become ammunition of the anti-war camp to 'prove' this war was wrong. What those protestors will be missing in their argument is that there is a NEED for our troops to unwind and have significant diversions. I haven't seen the film so I don't know if that need is expressed.
What's more is that people who don't understand military culture/life will be watching. That's going to create problems right there. To the misinformed person a service member with the time to whine about how much he hates his life is one that is in the wrong place, wrong time, etc etc. When in reality that's not how things really are. To those familiar with the USMC - A bitchin' Marine is a happy Marine. You have to know what you're talking about before you go off criticizing it and I don't think many of these people will care about that little detail.
Blackfive has a (poor) review up on his site by Ken Tucker of New York Magazine. Ken missed the point of the film by far. Take a look. Blackfive has covered this movie a lot if you are further interested.
In any case, I encourage people to go see Gunner Palace if there is a showing in town.

Morning

(or anytime I have been asleep for a while and I have to wake up)

This is the worst time of day for me. I can think of no time of day I hate more than when an alarm goes off or when I come to and realize I'm no longer sleeping. The first light to hit my eyes as they blink open feels like an unwelcome flood of light that refuses to go away.

What's worse is when my room is hot. (This is a common occurrence). You see, one wall is entirely windows - that happen to be flooded by sunlight anytime the sun is shining. Blinds, drapes, sheets, etc...the heat is still trapped in my bedroom. My bedroom is the hottest room in the house - and its entirely possible that it is a literal 80 degrees while there are 5 inches of snow and its 10 degrees outside. (I hate this house). Mornings when I wake up because I'm too hot, you don't want to know me.

At some point during the sleeping process I become Grump-a-saurus. Disturbing me or communicating with me shortly after I wake up is a risk to your life (at times). For the first 30-45 mins I am an agitated, snarling beast that will turn anything you say into something negative. I've been known to bite the head off those who ventured too close and acted without caution. Grump-a-saurus is a highly combative, vicious, easily angered being. Beware.

The Trouble With Blogs

Since people (SWG and Acidman) are on a kick about blogging and the rights of employers I will take the opportunity to think out loud on my situation. Some know of (some have read about) my situation with the university administration - The Director of my graduate program 'found' my old blog and has been chastizing me (read: threatening me) for comments I made expressing my displeasure with him. I have not yet fully reacted to him and I'm still weighing my options. I'd rather react with purpose than in a way that I regret or that could be used against me later.

My old blog (and the new one as well) are done on my time, using my resources, and have no affiliation with the university whatsoever. I do not work for the university nor did I advertise/promote the site. It was a site for friends to read, nothing more. I was a member of a blogring about the university but that was the extent of the connection to the university.

As far as I'm concerned, I was completely in my rights to make the comments (and more if I feel like it). He sees things differently. If he takes it any farther, anyone know an in to a new source to get the university 'noticed'?

Grrr...I hate when people overstep their bounds!

Fun Download

In preparation for St. Patrick's Day

http://promo.guinness1759society.com/spd/download/hanger.pdf

Don't let your friends leave home without using one!

Learn Something New...

I've been everywhere! (almost)

bold the states you've been to, underline the states you've lived in and italicize the state you're in now...

Alabama / Alaska / Arizona / Arkansas / California / Colorado / Connecticut / Delaware / Florida / Georgia / Hawaii / Idaho / Illinois / Indiana / Iowa / Kansas / Kentucky / Louisiana / Maine / Maryland / Massachusetts / Michigan / Minnesota / Mississippi / Missouri / Montana / Nebraska / Nevada / New Hampshire / New Jersey / New Mexico / New York / North Carolina / North Dakota / Ohio / Oklahoma / Oregon / Pennsylvania / Rhode Island / South Carolina / South Dakota / Tennessee / Texas / Utah / Vermont / Virginia / Washington / West Virginia / Wisconsin / Wyoming / Washington D.C /

Go HERE to have a form generate the HTML for you.

Long Day

Sorry for the lack of updates...

Today has been filled with writing a final exam that I procrastinated until this morning. And now I have to go to a different class...so no time for a real update. I'll be back after I go re-learn how to restrain myself while debating suicide and homicide of the professor for being so boring.

Guinness

Today has been a good day...and I owe it all to Guinness. (Ok, maybe not entirely to Guinness...but keep listening anyway)

I went out for lunch today with a friend. Its been several months since I've seen him and we don't really talk much. We met in an attempt to be roommates but that just didn't work out. We've tried to keep in touch but we've done a poor job. Since we sometimes don't have much to talk about, he brought one of his friends from work. But back to the story...

On an average day, I'm not much of a beer girl. Today was different. We hit the Irish pub down the street and I ordered a Guinness. Its the only place in town that serves it at the right temperature and can pour it right. In short, 3 pints later I walked out of the bar feeling less alone in this big city.

The new addition is a fellow conservative, doesn't feel like she fits in on the East Coast (she's midwestern), likes to go to the range, and didn't say a single stuck up thing the whole afternoon. She's funny and chatty. I like her. :o)

Leave it to Guinness to bring people together

I Miss My Love

And I feel guilty for it...

He and I live 4 hours apart but this weekend he is still farther - another 6 hrs down south. I will go to see him again in a few days.

Spending time with his long time good friend is something he's needed for months. I feel guilty wishing he were here.

There are people who go months and years without seeing their loved ones. I feel guilty for not appreciating my luxury.

Some people don't have anyone to love them. I feel guilty for needing more than the knowledge that I am loved.

I feel guilty - because I miss my love...

High Maintenance Women

I've always wondered...Just how are these women defined?

Have they crossed some imaginary line from normal to unreasonable?

Do they simply need too much attention?

Is it that they demand more than most?

Do they require too many gifts?

Do they desire things of expense?

Are they the women who try your patience?

Maybe they just take up a lot of time?

Perhaps they talk too much?

Or ask you to listen too often?

Are they simply more insecure than other women?

Have they become 'overly' emotional?

Tell me dear readers, how do you define a high maintenance woman?

George Canyon

A country artist from Canada (try not to hold that against him) that has finally caught a break in the US.

His latest song to gain popularity, "My Name," will wrap itself around you and gently stroke at your heart. Its emotional and real, even if you've never experienced what he sings about. Listening burned my nose as I suppressed the urge to sympathetically shed tears.

He doesn't have a gimmick like most new artists; he just sings about life in a way that makes you feel like you're sitting in the porch swing on a perfect southern afternoon.

See How Far You Get

Mostly Cajun says, I DARE YOU TO TRY THIS

Enter Mexico illegally. Never mind immigration quotas, visas, international law, or any of that nonsense.

Once there, demand that the local government provide free medical care for you and your entire family.

Demand bilingual nurses and doctors.

Demand free bilingual local government forms, bulletins, etc.

Procreate abundantly.

Deflect any criticism of this allegedly irresponsible reproductive behavior with, “It is a cultural United States thing. You would not understand, pal.”

Keep your American identity strong. Fly Old Glory from your rooftop, or proudly display it in your front window or on your car bumper.

Speak only English at home and in public and insist that your children do likewise.

Demand classes on American culture in the Mexican school system.

Demand a local Mexican driver license. This will afford other legal rights and will go far to legitimize your unauthorized, illegal, presence in Mexico.

Insist that local Mexican law enforcement teach English to all its officers.

Good luck! You’ll be demanding for the rest of time or soon dead. Because it will never happen.

It will not happen in Mexico or any other country in the world…except right here. Land of the naive.

God Bless America—She needs it.

(From another e-mail from my MUCH older sister)

http://mostlycajun.com/wordpress/index.php?p=426

Because I'm an Idea Stealing Whore

(and I'm at home with a bottle of wine, trying to write a final exam)...

Instructions:
1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next 3 sentences on your blog along with these instructions.
5. Don’t you dare dig for that “cool” or “intellectual” book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest.
http://straightwhiteguy.mu.nu/archives/070150.php

"Then she began calling her closest friends, and she stayed up late that night on the couch talking with them. She slept for a while and awoke from a turmoil of blue-suit nightmares. She was boiling hot, her throat was parched, she had a fever...Where am I? - and there was Addy, purring at her side."

The Demon in the Freezer, Richard Preston
A very favorite book of mine; a true story about smallpox.

Bloggers Walk Softly?

There is a lot of talk going on in the media about the liberal environment in academia. Being a graduate student, I see it every day. And I am frustrated by it every day. I come home after an experience on campus and more often than not, I'm just angry. Graduate school has been an extreme disappointment in terms of difficulty, learning, and usefulness. But I've put too much money into the piece of paper to walk away without it now.

I am a conservative but the fact that I am conservative is not the reason I dislike the liberal environment. I am strong willed and outgoing but I am repeatedly intimidated by situations that arise on campus.

The academic environment is rich with students that are actively liberal or those sympathetic to the liberal agenda. This is only a problem because it is a regular occurrence that a professor misuses the classroom as a political pulpit. Issues become overly politicized and debate is not encouraged. How many students do you know who are willing to risk their GPA for the sake of having the minority opinion voiced? Not many. And it is a risk that they take. There is no question that disagreeing with a political preacher is academic suicide.

This week I have learned that voicing your discontent with an academic program has become dangerous as well. On my old site I posted the following:

"Sci/Tech/NatSec...uh....this guy has no idea what he's doing....don't think he's really had much (read: ANY) teaching experience. And he's getting advice from Dr. Adams *puke* the director of my program, creator of "learn how to hate America" class, and someone I thoroughly DO NOT enjoy. Tonight will be our second class so I can't really comment on my enjoyment level just yet."

A month later, the Director e-mailed me to question if I had made the comments. I owned up to them clarifying that the comments were in reference to my academic experience alone. I have chosen my words carefully to avoid antagonizing him further. He has continued to be hostile and has bordered on harassment. My comments were made in a setting unaffiliated with the university and I believe were distributed to him by someone with malicious intent.

I have had this man as a professor and disliked the content and direction of his course. I disliked his teaching style and the type of assignments he asked of us. In meetings with him as my director (who must sign off on a multitude of things) he has behaved in an unprofessional and disrespectful manner. As a result, I am not a fan of this man.

I stand by my comments - a victim of liberal academia unwilling to be silently trounced upon

No Wonder Boys Like Me!

I'm a dude...but with all the fun parts...

Your Brain is 40.00% Female, 60.00% Male

You have a total boy brain Logical and detailed, you tend to look at the facts And while your emotions do sway you sometimes... You never like to get feelings too involved

What Gender Is Your Brain?

New Logo

This was the design I created for a tattoo but I have yet to actually get it done (for several reasons). It is meant to symbolize my ideals and inner drive. The kanji is a loose translation of what my first and middle names mean and represent my self image. It is kanji because I designed the tattoo after experiences in Japan and because as symbols they are more personal than words. The design says to me "never forget" - who you are, what you stand for, what/who has shaped you, and why giving up isn't an option.

What is a PrncessCat?

PrncessCat (def): A conservative, country-lovin, suburbanite girl trapped in a liberal, big city life on the wrong coast.

Name: Cat
Nickname: Princess Cat / Kit Kat / Miss Kitty / SharpTooth / Sharpy Girl / Splenda / Whiskey Girl
Astrological sign: Gemini
DOB: 06/06/1980
Height: 5'9"
Weight: enough
Level of Education: B.A. Political Science/International Relations; B.A. Economics; M.A. Security Policy Studies (Candidate)
Occupation: Professional Student
Birthplace: Iowa City, Iowa
Marital status: Not Married
How many children: NONE - thank GOD!
Do you drink (alcohol): Hells yeah I do!
Do you smoke: Here and there, but only if I'm under unusual stress
Favorite outdoor activities: hanging out at the beach, picnics, BBQs, reading by the pool, strolling through the rain, jumping in puddles, scenic photography
Favorite indoor activities: Chillin with Sheila (the computer), cooking/baking, chatting on the phone, napping
Favorite colors: Purples/Reds - especially lavender and blood red
Favorite type of music: Country
Favorite musical groups/performers: Brooks & Dunn, Martina McBride, Allison Krause, George Strait, Alan Jackson, Terri Clark, Toby Keith, Tracy Lawrence, Jeff Bates, Brad Paisley, Chris Cagle, Alabama, Blackhawk
Favorite song at the moment: "My Give A Damn's Busted" by JoDee Messina
What's in your home CD/cassette player right now: Julie Roberts
What's in you car CD/cassette player right now: In the CD player I listen to while taking the Metro to class is a Pop/Rock mix I burned
Do you play an instrument: Technically? Yes... But I haven't touched a violin or a piano in years
Have you ever gone skinny-dipping: I've always been too shy
As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up: As a young child, I wanted to be a vet. When my cat got hurt I changed my mind. I just assumed it would be something medical after that.
What would be your dream job now: Red cell analyst with the Information Analysis and Infrastructure Protection Office at the Department of Homeland Security (IAIP @ DHS)
Have you ever been convicted of a crime: The law still smiles on me
Places you'd most like to visit: Australia, Ireland
Your first car: When I get one, I'll let you know
Dream car: I used to think this was a BMW M5 but I haven't really put much thought into it for a while
Car you Drive now: None
Favorite season: Spring
Favorite holiday: Independence Day
Favorite hobbies: Fixing computers, coloring, baking, home improvement/ housewares shopping
Favorite sport to play: Hockey (as long as there is no ice involved)
Favorite sport to watch: Football
Least favorite sport to watch: Baseball
Most humiliating moment: I've had a lot of embarrassing moments, two tie for most humiliating.

1. One that was especially humiliating follows one of my winter orchestra performances. We had gone out afterward to bond. We had not been in the orchestra together long. Anyhow, I was getting dropped off with 3 friends still in the car. It was icy, I was in heels, carrying my violin. I got out, closed the door, and turned to walk up to the driveway. As they rolled down the window to say something I slipped and lost my balance. While falling forward my long black skirt flipped up and the car got a nice ass shot. It didn't just go back down either. I had to fight with it being tangled in the coat as I tried to recover my composure. They reminded me to be careful of the ice a lot after that...as we laughed.
2. One morning my dad dropped me off at school (innocent enough). I drew a lot of attention because he drove me in his boat (a 1965 green sedan deville). That wasn't the problem. The problem was me running late and not paying attention. I jumped out of the car and whipped around to run to class...only to smack my face into the pole of a no parking sign.

Do you have any siblings: Lil bro, Ian
Do you get along with your parents: Yes and no. I grew up a total daddy's girl but he and I have drifted apart after his second marriage. We don't fight but we aren't that close anymore. Sometimes I really miss him. I've never really gotten along with my mom. It's always been more of a sibling relationship than a parent-child relationship. We fight less now but I don't ever see us being close.
Favorite place to chill: The California shore of the Pacific Ocean under the moonlight
Favorite place to visit: Vail, CO
What is your bad time of day: The time when I have to wake up for no good reason
What is your good time of day: The time I get to connect/share with friends (via email, phone, chat, blog, etc)
Favorite flower/plant: Stargazer lily or white & lavender rose (think fire & ice type look)
Favorite subject in school: Advanced Anatomy (cadaver class)
Least favorite subject in school: Math
Favorite authors: Richard Preston, Patricia Cornwell, Robert Sabuda
Favorite book genre: mystery/forensic fiction
Favorite book: Dove by Robin lee Graham
Current book I'm reading: 1421, The Year China Discovered America by Gavin Menzies (in bits and pieces since I'm buried by academic reading)
Favorite magazine: Scientific American, maybe ... I don't really read mags
Favorite movie of all time: Top Gun
Other favorite movies: Real Genius, PCU, Boondock Saints, The Cutting Edge, Hackers, Grosse Pointe Blank, The Replacements (Yes, I like cheesy movies but I can watch them over and over again and they make me laugh every time)
Favorite actors/actresses: Ben Browder, Val Kilmer, Nicholas Cage, Kevin Spacey, Goran Visnjic, Tommy Lee Jones
Favorite cartoon characters: Bender (from Futurama), Dexter, Mojo Jojo, Tigger, Crush the Turtle (from Finding Nemo)
Favorite food: Anything my aunt makes *especially* her homemade mac n' cheese...Mmmmm
Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanilla - you can always add chocolate!
Favorite alcoholic Drinks: Tequila shots, Jack & coke, Jaeger & redbull
What is your bedtime: Whenever I'm so exhausted I'm about to fall down or whenever someone else makes me go to bed. Left to my own devices I tend to go to sleep sometime just before sunrise.
Worst enemies: No one I actively am enemies with...but there's a list of people that I fear or that hate me
Interesting fact about your childhood: I was ultra shy & I don't remember most of it
How many rings before you answer the phone: I only use a cell phone so there aren't rings, just different songs.
The first thing you think of in the morning: WTF time is it?
Favorite thing to do when you're home alone: Play my favorite songs extremely loud and dance around the house
Things that make you feel good: Being wrapped up in a blanket, the smell of fresh baked goods, the smell of a garlic infused meal being cooked, a nice glass of red wine, the 'click' that happens when someone finally understands something you are trying to teach them, falling asleep being held by someone I love
Things you don't like: Foods with a mushy texture, safety Nazis that try to save people from themselves, people that insist they are right but don't have facts or evidence or even logic to back up their blabbering, masses of people all trying to do the same thing without any order involved (like in malls, stores, etc)
Worst feeling in the world: The idea of never being important
Scariest feeling in the world: Feeling helpless, powerless, and/or trapped
Best feeling in the world: Love
Do you get motion sickness: Unfortunately. Sea sick most often, sometimes car sick but I never actually lose my cookies
Roller Coasters - Deadly or Exciting: Exciting, so long as they are only the kind at Disneyland. That's where I draw the line.
Thunderstorms - Cool or Scary: AWESOME
Pen or Pencil: Pen
Do you like to drive: NO
Do you sleep with stuffed animals: Just two right for the time being - a giant Easter bunny and a teddy bear. I miss my giant panda. The rest of the stuffed animals are either decorating the bedroom or stored in California.
Did you have imaginary friends or a blanket as a child: Who has an imaginary blanket? I just beat up on my little brother when I was bored instead of making things up.
What is on the walls of your room: Cowboy hat, American flag, USMC flag, Diploma & cap (with HS and college tassels), fraternity medallion, UCSD pennant, Japanese fan, Japanese print, ledges (holding stuffed animals, pics, keepsakes), wood & glass shelf with princess items on it, princess mirror, pics of roses, pics of friends, family portrait, corkboard w/keepsakes, magnetic dry erase board
What words or phrases do you overuse: Dude, awesome, nice, f*ck
Coolest things anyone ever gave you: Blue gave me a pen engraved with the initials of all our friends at the time, Ang gave me a photo album with all kinds of personalized touches as a going away present, boytoy gave me boba for our first Christmas together (its an Asian drink)
How would you characterize your political leanings: Conservative realist, libertarian idealist, independent thinker capable of evaluating issues on a case by case basis, promoter of personal responsibility and ownership in all aspects of social, economic, and political life
If you could pick one super-human power, what would you choose: Invisibility - I could go anywhere or do anything and no one would know!
Favorite Quotes/Lyrics/Poems: Most of these will be put in the blog from time to time as I remember them. I'm good at posting lyrics, a lot.

"When someone shows you who they really are, believe them the first time." -- This was said to me by Lisa Tombalakian, an instructor of international marketing. I think she read it or paraphrased it from somewhere else but it has stuck with me

"Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean that they don't love you with all they have." -- Truman Capote

"You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him." -- James D. Miles

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." -- Dr. Seuss

"Except for ending slavery, fascism, Nazism, and communism, war has never solved anything." -- USMC bumper sticker

Evil Neighbors

Many already know this fact - I HATE MY NEIGHBORS!

These twits live above me and have no respect for anyone living around them. I regularly shake my fist in their general direction (sometimes pounding on the ceiling with it) because of the amount of noise they produce. I'm a reasonable person - I understand that apartment or condo life is going to come with noise from the neighbors. They have young children that stay home with someone during the day instead of going to day care. Kids make noise...ok... However, I refuse to accept what sounds like the moving of furniture at all hours of the day and night as reasonable. The jumping off of the furniture, bouncing of basketballs (?), and such have continually created enough vibration to knock things off of my bookcase and ledges on the wall. Grrr!

Their balcony is right outside my bedroom window as well. Always fun when they like to move the furniture around while they smoke. Even better when they sit out there and talk on the phone in the middle of the night.

Today has pissed me off even more. One of their cars is parked in the parking lot (which my bedroom overlooks) and has a car alarm that keeps going off every 5 minutes. I hate car alarms! No one pays attention to them and they simply annoy the crap out of people who have to be near them.

I don't know what jackass nation they came from (someone in the family is a diplomat according to the license plate of their other car) but they need to go back there...NOW! I'll even help them pack...

That Bitter Taste

You know...the one you get in your mouth when someone says something that just rubs you wrong?

For example:

1. Nuke-u-lar: wtf? Highly educated people discussing politics, international relations, security policy, and so forth (all while criticizing the current administration as a whole for being stupid, fascist pigs of world destruction) should learn how to pronounce this word correctly. I couldn't tell you why the mispronunciation of nuclear bothers me so much but it makes me cringe. It absolutely makes my skin crawl to hear people that make this mistake criticize policy makers while in the act of mispronunciation. Hypocritical fucksticks are the worst kind!
2. Ex-military: simple mistake I suppose, but a serious lack of respect that never ceases to annoy me. Let me clarify. I pay attention to the military. I respect the military establishment and those who have offered their service to our nation. I study, in part, military affairs in a program with people who study aspects of national policy that include the military. You can't get out of our program without talking about the military. Most people work for defense agencies or something similar. So why is it that these people, completely doused with military lingo, don't understand the difference between ex and former in this context? Catch me on a bad day and I have vignettes dancing through my head of reaching across the table, grabbing the offender by the collar, and flatly correcting him before returning him to his seat. But the idea always makes me smile - he'll never see it comin'

Off to brush my teeth...

The Kids, part II

These are the kids playing in the snow that kept me in SW VA yesterday instead of in class. I will admit, they are cute...and they are having lots of fun... they are just more fun when they play with each other - OUTSIDE!


GUSTY


DAKOTA


NORMAN

The Kids

I've been in SW Virginia since last Friday...and as much as I'll miss the boytoy - I'm SO outta here! Everytime I visit my conviction against having kids is further solidified. You see, there are three dogs in this house (keep in mind I said dogs, not puppies). Doesn't sound all that bad, right? Wrong. Roommate 1 has the cutest furball mutt you could imagine...only she's allergic to everything and in scratching herself she leaves piles of fur everywhere. That, in combination with the dust in the old, freezing house...not fun for the sinuses. Roommate 2 has the dumbest oaf of a rottweiler that you'll ever meet. I swear, she almost forgets to breathe... But, she's taken to believing I have one of her toys so she jumps and snaps at me. I'm not really afraid of dogs, but I don't take kindly to a 95 lb dog clamping on my elbow either. Once she gets worked up, she just gets too aggressive and doesn't know how to stop (even if you distract her, she comes right back at it). She stole my socks this morning too - they were only 3 ft away from me! Boytoy himself as an extremely high maintenance, hyperactive boxer. He needs attention CONSTANTLY and he is vocal about it. Did I mention the massive separation anxiety? He paced and whined while I took a shower this morning. And then wouldn't even look at me when I was done. He's a trouble maker too (although, very well trained in most respects). Always knocking over the trash, taking things off the counter, hell...he even jumped up and stood at the kitchen counter like a person this morning...while I was making a sandwich on the other counter. Talk about brave. No way would he do that in front of his daddy.
But back to my point...I don't feel the need to have kids when I am reminded by these dogs of the level of attention and patience that are needed. Dogs constantly wrestling, snarling, whining, and pushing their way into everything you do...more than enough for my lifetime.