From My E-mail

The "Dr. Phil" Test

I'll tell you what the scores mean later...just go take the quiz so I wasn't the only one bored enough to do it.

1. When do you feel your best?

a) In the morning

b) During the afternoon &and early evening

2. You usually walk...

a) Fairly fast, with long steps

b) Fairly fast, with little steps

c) Less fast head up, looking the world in the face

d) Less fast, head down

e) Very slowly

3. When talking to people you.

a) Stand with your arms folded

b) Have your hands clasped

c) Have one or both your hands on your hips

d) Touch or push the person to whom you are talking

e) Play with your ear, touch your chin, or smooth your hair

4. When relaxing, you sit with.

a) Your knees bent with your legs neatly side by side

b) Your legs crossed

c) Your legs stretched out or straight

d) One leg curled under you

5. When something really amuses you, you react with.

a) A big appreciated laugh

b) A laugh, but not a loud one

c) A quiet chuckle

d) A sheepish smile

6. When you go to a party or social gathering you.

a) Make a loud entrance so everyone notices you

b) Make a quiet entrance, looking around for someone you know

c) Make the quietest entrance, trying to stay unnoticed

7. You're working very hard, concentrating hard, and you're interrupted.....

a) Welcome the break

b) Feel extremely irritated

c) Vary between these two extremes

8. Which of the following colors do you like most?

a) Red or orange

b) Black

c) Yellow or light blue

d) Green

e) Dark blue or purple

f) White

g) Brown or gray

9. When you are in bed at night, in those last few moments before going to sleep you are.

a) Stretched out on your back

b) Stretched out face down on your stomach

c) On your side, slightly curled

d) With your head on one arm

e) With your head under the covers

10. You often dream that you are...

a) Falling

b) Fighting or struggling

c) Searching for something or somebody

d) Flying or floating

e) You usually have dreamless sleep

f) Your dreams are always pleasant

POINTS:

1. (a) 2 (b) 4 (c) 6

2. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 7 (d) 2 (e) 1

3. (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 5 (d) 7 (e) 6

4. (a) 4 (b) 6 (c) 2 (d) 1

5. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 2

6. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 2

7. (a) 6 (b) 2 (c) 4

8. (a) 6 (b) 7 (c) 5 (d) 4 (e) 3 (f) 2 (g) 1

9. (a) 7 (b) 6 (c) 4 (d) 2 (e) 1

10.(a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 6 (f) 1

San Diego

Only SIX more days til chanklas (flipflops)...daiquiris in the jacuzzi...sandwiches on the beach...some green beer with the girls...a night or two with the cowboys...and some much needed sunshine. I just hope that the weather cooperates cuz right now, the forecast is below 70. In Cali, I freeze when the temp drops below 70...makes east coast winter rather annoying to say the least.

But still, 60s are better than 40s and I'll take what I can get!

Good For Nuthin' #@#$%

The cross at the top of Mt. Soledad is going to come down - and I'm PISSED!

I'm from San Diego, I love San Diego, I miss San Diego...but the city council is a bunch of good for nuthin pieces of shit. They never cease to do dumbass things with their power. What the hell is wrong with these people? Try growing a pair before you try to run my city!

Let me clarify, I am not a particularly religious person. Religion, as an institution, is manmade. Faith is about what you and whatever higher power choose to make of it. So it isn't about the religious aspect - it's about the symbol that they do not respect nor care to understand.

It's a Veterans Memorial. Public property to honor public service. No one made you go look at it - so go punish yourself for being stupid instead of punishing a whole city with your stupid ideas.

The Indepundit and Da Goddess are pissed too...only they are more articulate about it.

Running Away

I'm off to play with Greyhound for the day - no, not a dog, luck does not shine so brightly upon me - the bus company. Today holds a 7hr trip to SW VA. I'll be playing with the kids and doing research for the next several days. You'll see me around but blogging will be slow/random.

Tell me you miss me and maybe I'll come back sooner (a girl always needs to know she's loved and I'm not too proud to admit it...today).

Jason Cook

Star of Days of Our Lives in the role of Shawn D, Beau and Hope Brady's oldest son... Arrested on Drug Charges

I went to high school with this guy, took classes with him, and was his trainer in soccer for a season. Reading the story, I'm not sure he was on drugs - he was that much of a douche in high school too. Of course, it was regular for him to be near pot too...

Why is it that some people just think they are above everyone else? I don't care if people do think he looks like a young Tom Cruise. Still no reason to be a jerk to people that aren't currently in the act of kissing your feet.

Random Disgustingness

Don't you hate when someone tries to get away with ripping off a silent one but it is so overwhelmingly powerful, you feel the need to leave the room? And then you realize that it was you...and you wonder what the hell you ate...and then you become concerned if you will ever be able to sufficiently air out the room or if the stench will hang in the fibers of the drapes/adhere to the paint...

No gentlemen, your dog did not coincidentally get more flatulent once you started dating/married the little woman. Girls fart too, we just blame your dog.

Well Shit...

I've been told, by those who shall remain nameless, in no uncertain terms that my new blog SUCKS! Well, right after I finished my happy dance at hearing such wonderful news, I began to believe they were right.

It is true...and it is because I have violated the first rule of playing ball - I'm playing without heart. (Ok, so I've watched The Replacements too many times). I haven't connected with this blog and usually feel like it is lost in the ether of the internet without much point. To try to deal with all of this I'm going to try to answer the question of why I started blogging. A lot of people won't even answer this question. I know I won't answer it completely but only because I don't think I can.

So here goes...

I've had a personal geocities website since '99. I used to be part of the online gaming community. I played first person shooters and jumped into the culture like it was cool. My life got in the way and I had to cut down my playing time. When I went overseas I had to abdicate my responsibilities to that community but my site still existed as a place to put pictures with family and friends. I threw up some graphic design work and some bio pages but once I was no longer a part of the community I had once loved so much, the site was pretty much just for me.

When I got back from being overseas, I went to DC for a while. I flew home to California in June once my contract was finished. Before going back to San Diego I stayed with family for a little while. While there, I found out from my father, in the middle of an argument with my little brother, at a sushi place, on my birthday that my mom had been diagnosed with breast cancer. This is why I started blogging.

I went back to San Diego and tried to pretend everything was ok. I had just been tossed aside by a guy that I thought (at the time) was wonderful and unique, my roommate was getting ready to move across the country and I had to replace her, I watched one of my friends get married, the only friend I could really name that I had left was in town for the week (she had to go back to Costa Rica after the wedding). I tried to talk to my mom...just about things in general...and we fought, the same way we always did. I felt terrible. I couldn't forgive her for all of the things I held against her...even when she was facing death, I could only think of the pain she had caused. The stress of it all just got to me. The people around me knew that I wasn't ok, but I pretended still.

One night, it all welled up and I went back to my geocities site. I didn't get a livejournal or anything...I just coded a journal like I would any other page on my site. I began using it to deal with everything. I wrote on it for a long time but usually only about things that I had no other outlet for dealing with. I would write entries on notebook paper while I was out in the real world and come back to put them online. It helped keep me sane in ways I'll probably never understand. A few people read it but no one regular. They were friends that mostly did it to check up on me...make sure I was still keeping it together alright. I didn't have a counter or a tracker so I had no idea who visited or when. At that point, I don't remember if readers mattered to me.

I moved to xanga about a year ago and pretty much abandoned the geocities site because the coding just got too annoying for me to want to bother with. There were only a few regular readers there too. I soon found that my close friends were interested in how song lyrics made me feel or cute pictures of what I had been up to but they were usually involved in anything else I had done. They didn't need to read the xanga to know what I had been up to. The political or social commentary never garnered any interest from them. The limits of xanga began to frustrate me more and more but I wasn't willing to pay for a blog that only my friends would read.

I (unwillingly) left San Diego and began reading a lot more blogs online. It made me want to make my blog something more than song lyrics and rants about some student asking me for ridiculous favors. It made me miss the days that I was part of something. I moved to blogspot thinking that I could break out of the xanga box and write how I felt on things people would actually read. I was nominated to join a particular group but I have pretty much given up hope on that happening anytime soon. When that nomination came I had visions of being a member of a community like when I was a gamer. Instead, I feel like a fish out of water, trying to swim in lake much too large for my fins.

I don't seek adoration like Acidman. I seek acceptance. I seek a place in the world where I feel I belong. But I guess it is true what they say, you can never go home again...

Don't Go Crying Racism Just Yet

Acidman had a post a few days ago about the lack of special forces guys that are black. (Go catch up on your required reading...I'll wait).

Anyhow - my comment on that subject pointed to self selection. IMHO, it is free will keeping us from seeing greater diversity. It's as simple as people choosing to avoid that line of work. And Fox news has a link that agrees with me.

So can people quit tossing out the race card? You're using up its legitimacy and hurting people who have a genuine racist experience. Have some common sense and use a little forethought. Thinking about the consequences of your actions BEFORE HAND isn't too much to ask...is it?

Gunner Palace

This movie is about the 2/3 Field Artillery "The Gunners" in Iraq that used a palace of Uday Hussein as their barracks. The filmmaker lived with them for 2 months while getting the footage. www.gunnerpalace.com
Watch the trailers and it seems like it shows a little more of the realities of war but it makes me nervous. I haven't seen this movie yet (and in reality, I probably won't get to) but I would really like to. Supposedly it shows you the side of war that will never make it to the nightly news - I assume they are referring to the good deeds and happy moments with the Iraqis. Yet, it shows how The Gunners also party in the palace. This is the rub.
The film was intended to show the reality of war, not promote either side (pro or anti). By showing that our troops have time to party I fear that this film will become ammunition of the anti-war camp to 'prove' this war was wrong. What those protestors will be missing in their argument is that there is a NEED for our troops to unwind and have significant diversions. I haven't seen the film so I don't know if that need is expressed.
What's more is that people who don't understand military culture/life will be watching. That's going to create problems right there. To the misinformed person a service member with the time to whine about how much he hates his life is one that is in the wrong place, wrong time, etc etc. When in reality that's not how things really are. To those familiar with the USMC - A bitchin' Marine is a happy Marine. You have to know what you're talking about before you go off criticizing it and I don't think many of these people will care about that little detail.
Blackfive has a (poor) review up on his site by Ken Tucker of New York Magazine. Ken missed the point of the film by far. Take a look. Blackfive has covered this movie a lot if you are further interested.
In any case, I encourage people to go see Gunner Palace if there is a showing in town.

Morning

(or anytime I have been asleep for a while and I have to wake up)

This is the worst time of day for me. I can think of no time of day I hate more than when an alarm goes off or when I come to and realize I'm no longer sleeping. The first light to hit my eyes as they blink open feels like an unwelcome flood of light that refuses to go away.

What's worse is when my room is hot. (This is a common occurrence). You see, one wall is entirely windows - that happen to be flooded by sunlight anytime the sun is shining. Blinds, drapes, sheets, etc...the heat is still trapped in my bedroom. My bedroom is the hottest room in the house - and its entirely possible that it is a literal 80 degrees while there are 5 inches of snow and its 10 degrees outside. (I hate this house). Mornings when I wake up because I'm too hot, you don't want to know me.

At some point during the sleeping process I become Grump-a-saurus. Disturbing me or communicating with me shortly after I wake up is a risk to your life (at times). For the first 30-45 mins I am an agitated, snarling beast that will turn anything you say into something negative. I've been known to bite the head off those who ventured too close and acted without caution. Grump-a-saurus is a highly combative, vicious, easily angered being. Beware.

The Trouble With Blogs

Since people (SWG and Acidman) are on a kick about blogging and the rights of employers I will take the opportunity to think out loud on my situation. Some know of (some have read about) my situation with the university administration - The Director of my graduate program 'found' my old blog and has been chastizing me (read: threatening me) for comments I made expressing my displeasure with him. I have not yet fully reacted to him and I'm still weighing my options. I'd rather react with purpose than in a way that I regret or that could be used against me later.

My old blog (and the new one as well) are done on my time, using my resources, and have no affiliation with the university whatsoever. I do not work for the university nor did I advertise/promote the site. It was a site for friends to read, nothing more. I was a member of a blogring about the university but that was the extent of the connection to the university.

As far as I'm concerned, I was completely in my rights to make the comments (and more if I feel like it). He sees things differently. If he takes it any farther, anyone know an in to a new source to get the university 'noticed'?

Grrr...I hate when people overstep their bounds!

Fun Download

In preparation for St. Patrick's Day

http://promo.guinness1759society.com/spd/download/hanger.pdf

Don't let your friends leave home without using one!